Hello, my name is Mason...and I'm a fantasy football addict.
Step 1: Admit we are powerless over Fantasy Football
This is the time of year when otherwise-sane individuals obsess over something called their “fantasy football draft”. Men who are normally productive, reasonable members of society and the workplace will, WITHOUT SHAME, debate the skills of third-string running backs for second-rate teams with a seriousness generally reserved for sensitive nuclear peace talks. If you cannot identify the names “LaRod Stephens-Howling”, “Toby Gerhart”, and “Jerious Norwood”, then you are simply not a serious fantasy footballer. Go play Yahtzee or something. ~Embrace Addiction~
Step 2: Come to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
That power lies with the League Owner. Trust in your owner, believe in the judgement and wisdom they posses. Only the strongest and most worthy should be allowed to create a fantasy football league, so first look within yourself and give an honest opinion before you jump the gun. However, as it says in the Declaration of Independence, there is a duty of the people to overthrow an unjust government or authority. The same ideology holds true in the fantasy world, so if your league owner is manipulative to their own advantage, join together and VETO the little Napoleon. ~Embrace Addiction~
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our lives over to the care of the fantasy football gods
No matter how amazing you think your team is at the beginning of the year, no one can predict the future and you WILL hit some speed bumps along the way. For example, in 2008 when Tom Brady blew out his knee in the first game of the regular season and was sidelined for the year. Many fantasy owners probably wanted to jump out the window, instead they had to rally the troops and be creative in order to find ways to win. No matter what snags you hit this season, give it up to the gods of fantasy football and maybe, just maybe, they will present you with a little bit of luck. ~Embrace Addiction~
Step 4: Made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves
Have no fear! Never go into a fantasy football draft with one objective or one plan of attack. You have to be able to roll with the punches and choose wisely in order to gain talent, depth, and consistency. Before you draft take a look at yourself and play to your strengths. If you know you are a good trade negotiator, then maybe load up on some good players even if you don't need all of them, you can use them in trades down the road against desperate teams. If your safe and conservative, don't take chances on rookies or unproven players, go with the big/recognizable names. Be honest with yourself and you will be better off. ~Embrace Addiction~
Step 5: Admit to ourselves the exact nature of our wrongs...but never to other players in the league
We will all make DUMB moves throughout the year. No matter how incredible you think your trade or draft is, it only takes one injury to ruin everything. Be strong enough to admit to yourself that maybe "that was a stupid idea." Accept your awful decision and move on to the next one, where hopefully you will have your head on straight and won't be a dumbass. However, never admit to a fellow fantasy owner that he/she got the better of you! Never give them the satisfaction of knowing that they took you to the woodshed. Be strong and just keep making moves. ~Embrace Addiction~
Step 6: Be entirely ready to remove all the defects of your fantasy football character
This step is a trick, because in fantasy football NO ONE has character! Moral fiber, ethics, and integrity all fly straight out the window. Don't do the right thing, this is business and in the fantasy world "nice guys" really DO finish last. ~Embrace Addiction~
Step 7: Humbly ask the fantasy football gods to remove our shortcomings
Here the term "shortcomings" can also be called "injuries." The only way to avoid injuries is to salute whatever higher power you so desire and beg them to keep your players on the field. You have ZERO control of injuries, so pray pray pray and maybe the injury bug will bite someone else other than you. ~Embrace Addiction~
Step 8: Make a list of all persons we had harmed, and be prepared to DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN
We do not make amends in fantasy football. This is a cut-throat world where imaginary bloodshed occurs every single day. Look back at your season last year and remember all the moves you made that hurt others, but improved your team. Remember those moves! Use them again, this time on unsuspecting victims that won't be ready. Check emotion at the door, just make sure you hold on to your ticket...you can pick it up when the season is over. ~Embrace Addiction~
Step 9: Make friends whenever possible, but keep your enemies closer
Remember that this is a game, and games are supposed to be fun. If you are out of the playoff picture but want to help out a buddy, join forces. Make sneaky trades with one another that will send your best players to him, that way it will help him achieve a fantasy football championship and he may throw you a piece of the winnings! Don't be afraid to make friends and trading partners, but never forget about all the others who are doing the same thing behind your back. The old saying "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" applies in the fantasy world now more than ever. ~Embrace Addiction~
Step 10: Call people out when they have wronged you
I don't care whether it's your best friend, your worst enemy, or your great grandmother...if someone screws you in the fantasy world CALL THEM OUT! Don't let someone else get taken out in a lop-sided trade. Make the other people in your league aware of the deviant and outcast them. One bad apple can spoil the whole bunch, so punch that bad apple right in the face (figuratively) and everyone will have a better chance to win and compete, which ultimately makes for a great league. ~Embrace Addiction~
Step 11: Understand yourself, your knowledge and make sure your will is carried out
Don't lie to yourself, if you know nothing about football then research. Don't be arrogant and think just because you won last year, you will this year...anything can happen. Make an honest opinion of yourself and your fantasy football knowledge, then take that assessment and use it to your advantage. There are millions of sites that will help you with predictions and who to play each and every week. Use the sources!! No one knows everything, research and then go with your gut. ~Embrace Addiction~
Step 12: Having had an awakening as result of these steps, carry out this message to more fantasy footballers...promote the cause
The beauty of fantasy football is that EVERYONE can play. Take the knowledge you posses and go recruit more fantasy players. It's more fun to play with the people you care about and that you are around every day. That is where fantasy becomes reality, when you can trash talk and joke around with your friends and then see who the victor is on Monday. ~Embrace Addiction~
I hope these steps help you embrace your fantasy football addiction and make this year the best season ever! Embrace the addiction, because it's fun and you will have more to look forward to each and every football season. Good Luck!
- Mason McVerry
